The last semester, which just happened to be my first official semester in nursing school was filled with what seemed like endless disappointments to me. I felt frustrated the entire time, with only a few moments where I felt like I was shining. This I decided couldn't continue into another semester. I needed to find a way where I could accept who I was and be happy with it.
I don't believe that I give the appearance to anyone that I have my sh*t together. If anything it is my own personal view of myself that I look scattered. I often think that people wonder how I ever made it into nursing school.
Well believe it or not, there was a time, which was just previous to my admission of nursing school, where I wasn't so critical of myself. Please do not mistake this for me saying that I'm too critical of myself. I believe that I have been sacrificing my own happiness trying out new things and agreeing that I like others that has led me astray.
One of my best joys in life is reading and writing. However it is not anywhere near the BEST of all of the things that I enjoy. My life is filled with a huge mixture of things that I like to do when I feel depressed or need a lift. I also love going to the movies, shopping, working out, playing with my children, hiking mountains, walking my dog. However there are times where these things that I love so much are unfathomable to me. At the current moment I am thinking of how wonderful it would be to take a nap. I love my bed, its soft, warm, and filled with the scent of my shampoo and conditioner. Every once in a while I catch the scent of my children on it, and it puts a huge smile on my face.
I need to become better at recognizing my moods. If someone were to offer to go up Sugarloaf Mountain with me right now, although it is something that I very much enjoy, I would turn them down. I'm not up for it currently, and there are other things that I feel would bring me more joy.
In my quest to conquer my depression I have tried to stabilize my mood. Somehow I translated this to mean that I need to like the same things and always enjoy doing them. Well I know that isn't true to who I am. I don't like working out every day. I don't enjoy watching TV every day. So the things I do are based off of my needs and desires. It is this way that I discover what I need to do to get by and be happy in this world.
I hope that I have grown enough in the short break between semesters that I will have set myself up for success in my 2nd (out of 5) semester of nursing school. I believe I am prepared. It's going to be a difficult one!
No comments:
Post a Comment